she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
