I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
