if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
