Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
