That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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