I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
