hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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