Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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