Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
