Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
