So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
