I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
