consequently i now know what mace tastes like
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
porn star boner night. come get it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize