YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
