I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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