Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
