I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
