he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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