I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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