Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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