I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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