That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
