I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize