billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
