im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
