I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
