Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
