when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
