textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
