I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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