It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize