Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Lo siento on account of my penis...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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