i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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