apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
