I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize