Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
