No stitches, just platelets and will power
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
