no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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