if i can run in heels then i can drive
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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