Just mADE A PArabola og urine
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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