He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize