That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
