I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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