We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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