just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
