i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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