then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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