forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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