You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
