that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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