Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
