Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
