I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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