I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
