I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
