What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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