Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
