fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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