Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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