covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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