i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
