Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
