Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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