oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
