He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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