I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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