i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
