:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
