We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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