Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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