He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
