Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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