Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
