I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
