i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My dick has a subreddit
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize