tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
