no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
