saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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