he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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