Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
